Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
