Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
