tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
