he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
