I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
