Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
