I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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