Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
