Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
