our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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