Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
