last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's like iHOP with fire
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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