if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize