Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i believe in u and ur pee
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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