i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
