..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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