So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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