why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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