I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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