It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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