Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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