Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
