the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
