i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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