Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
