I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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