Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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