Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
