youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize