thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
