My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
