Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
