At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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