I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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