I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
