she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
