this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
