You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
