Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize