i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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