saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
