Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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