I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
