bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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