can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
