yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
