i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
