I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
