what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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