Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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