This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
