Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
