you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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